Forgetfulness Sleeps
by Meztli
Summary: They joined one night. Now to face the consequences. A Sess/Kag story. Some mature topics.
1. Part I Forgetfulness Sleeps

If I owned Inuyasha Sess-chan and Kagome-chan would be having a passionate affair behind Inuyasha's back. Seeing as they are not, I do not own Inuyasha. Rumiko Takahashi does. Lucky girl, that one. Poem translated by me, so if crappy blame it on my atrocious translation.   
  
  


**Forgetfulness Sleeps**   
__   
__   


**To Julie**   


_Not without you_   
_not anyone else_   
_and when the vintage has come_   
_the sun will have burnt my lips_   
_I will say it once more_   
_listening, forgetfulness sleeps_   
_listening_   
_Not without you_   
_now I try to sleep as though nothing happened_   
_the night, sown with grasshoppers, tries to whisper something_   
_but I no longer listen......_

-Santiago Ortega Gavito-   


He would have reached his palace by then, had he not caught a familiar scent that brought nothing short of disaster. He could have been back in his lands taking care of whatever problems might have arisen during his absence, or perhaps searching through the ancient scrolls in his study for any spells that might have aided him on his quest to obtain the Tetsusaiga. But Naraku's scent had reached his sensitive nose, and Sesshomaru had a few matters to settle with the troublesome hanyou. He had not properly punished Naraku for taking Rin hostage to get to him. 

When he had first noticed Naraku's distinct scent the demon Lord had ordered Rin and Jaken to continue on their way without him and offered no more explanations as he went after Naraku's stench. 

Which is why he was in Inuyasha's forest at the moment, searching for the despicable dark haired hanyou. But although his scent lingered through the air, he could not find any signs of him. He suspected Naraku was trying to lure him to a trap, and although Sesshomaru had no doubt he could easily overcome any plot Naraku had in mind, the Lord had no patience for mindless traps. He turned to go when he heard someone coming from the forest. It wasn't Naraku, since this being was making enough noise to give away it's position, something Naraku did not do. Sesshomaru tried to distinguish the being's identity, but since it was downwind from him he could not make out who it was. He quietly made his way to the place the noise was coming from. 

He distinguished a figure moving through the forest but the trees cut off any moonlight from reaching the creature and he could not see it clearly from that distance, so he moved in closer making sure he stayed downwind, just in case. 

When he was a couple of yards away he noticed it was a female, and he picked up a familiar scent, but the scent was laced with something different that he was sure did not belong to the female. He frowned slightly as a gap between the trees allowed a clear pool of moonlight to fall around the woman, confirming his suspicions. Inuyasha's wench. But what was that other scent that flowed around her? Although not as sweet as her own, it was not unpleasant, just... slightly disturbing. He was intrigued by this and decided to inspect the scent more closely. Besides, it would be fun to see the wench cower in fear for a while before he killed her as a parting gift to Inuyasha. 

~0~ 

Kagome walked through the forest silently. Well, as silently as she could, which truth be told wasn't silent at all. It was dark and she kept tripping and stumbling on fallen branches and roots. She really should not have been in Inuyasha's forest at all, she should have been back at camp sleeping with her companions, snuggled in Shippo's embrace. But nooooo, she just had to go after... after... after whatever it was that she was after. 

Yes, Kagome didn't know what she was looking for. Really, for all she knew it could be a case of severe paranoia. Perhaps all that time-travelling had finally done her in and she had lost her mind. It was stupid, and if Inuyasha discovered she had left he would have her head on a platter. 

But she couldn't help it, something was calling her and she could not go against it. She had been sleeping when a strange feeling of urgency took control of her. It was as though something inside of her was guiding her to a place she had to go. After a few minutes of trying to ignore it and attempting to go back to sleep she had just given up and followed it. She just couldn't resist it's pull. 

Which is why she was in the forest at that moment searching for whatever it was that was calling her. 

She stopped walking when the feeling suddenly vanished. She frowned in confusion and after a while sighed as she leaned her head back to look at the moon through the gap between the treetops. She was losing her mind, she was sure of it. She closed her eyes for a second and berated herself for being such a fool. She opened her eyes and looked at the floor while she turned around to walk back to camp, but before she had taken two steps she crashed into something. A tall, hard something. 

Kagome did not want to look up, she really didn't. But she did. Past the familiar white fabric, the spiked chest plate, the sakura pattern and right into Sesshomaru's beautifully stoic face. The face of the enemy who would gladly kill you without sparing the idea a second though. So Kagome did what any 20th century girl would do. She screamed. 

Sesshomaru resisted the urge to rip her throat out, as the shrill scream resonated through his head, hurting his delicate eardrums and grating his nerves. He did not want her dead yet. He didn't want her screaming, either. He lightly grasped her throat with his claws, running his thumb claw delicately along the soft flesh, barely touching her. 

The motion had the desired effect. The girl immediately quieted as her eyes widened in fear. Apparently the girl had understood the inherent threat. He smiled arrogantly, but nonetheless smiled, which most likely served to further terrify the young female. 

Kagome gulped slowly, careful not to move for fear that Sesshomaru would simply rip her to shreds. Somewhere in her mind she wondered why she hadn't sensed him at all, but that though was quickly discarded at the moment. Too late to think about that, she would have time to ponder it when she wasn't in imminent danger. If she lived. 

Suddenly the air felt much thicker for them to breathe in, as though a fog was clouding their minds. Sesshomaru frowned as he noticed it, along with the fact that the secondary scent around her intensified. What the Hell was going on? 

He tried to find his center again, but found himself staring at her trembling lips. For some reason the slightly parted cherry lips seemed to be all on his mind. He wanted to feel them, to taste them and find out if they were as sweet as they looked. 

He shook his head as if to clear it. Cherry lips? Something was definitely amiss. He looked at the girl again and noticed a slightly dazed expression on her face. And that scent... 

He moved his head closer to her, sniffing her hair and trying to figure out what was happening, absolutely sure by now that the strange scent had something to do with it. 

Kagome was just as confused as the Demon Lord. Her mind felt as though it was turning to mush, and she was becoming increasingly aware of how enticing Sesshomaru was. When he leaned to sniff her hair his face had lightly come into contact with the flesh of her neck. She felt her body answer unconsciously as she gasped and trembled lightly. 

Sesshomaru heard the girl gasp and felt her shudder when their bodies touched. He pulled back and inspected her face, curious to see what he would find. She was staring at him, apparently tracing every curve of his face with her eyes. 

Kagome couldn't help but stare. Sesshomaru had never looked so handsome to her. Sure, she had noticed his beauty before, but usually she had been scared for her life, much too busy to notice just what an incredible specimen of the male gender he was. Her eyes took in every aspect of his face, his finely chiseled face, his pale flesh, snowy, delicately arched eyebrows, mesmerizing golden eyes and those sensual lips. How she wanted to feel those lips. 

The part of her mind that was telling her that something was very wrong with this, that she should not have been thinking such things was left unheeded. She knew that this wasn't supposed to be happening, but at the moment she just wanted to stay in this peaceful bliss, surrounded by nothing   
but the Demon before her. She lost all control of her body and she found herself leaning towards him claiming his lips with her own in a long, although chaste kiss. 

Sesshomaru's eyes widened as he tried to pull back, but his body was no longer under his control. He found himself deepening the kiss so that in the end it was anything but chaste. 

Her mouth was as sweet as it had looked, he discovered as their tongues clashed in a chaotic dance. She was no expert in the matters of passion, her movements tentative. He found this proof of her inexperience somewhat endearing. He, however, was no innocent. He kissed her with a skill obtained from experience setting a pace for her to mimic, and he found her to be a willing, obedient student. 

The kiss was addictive like nothing he had felt before, her mouth a powerful drug, her infinitely alluring scent drawing him closer, her curvaceous body pressed against his own... It was all doing him in. To hell with rational thoughts! At that moment he wouldn't have minded being a mindless pawn under that siren's control, would have even greedily accepted to being one for just one taste of that glorious being. 

His hands were entwined in soft ebony hair, he took notice of that even tough he had no recollection of doing so, so drunk as he was in her. One of her small hands moved from it's resting position on his shoulder and lightly traced a line from his jaw to his cheek. He groaned readily at the stirrings the simple touch had caused. How she could arouse his so easily baffled him, but he tossed all related to the thinking process aside. At the moment he found her much more important. 

The kiss was not enough anymore, he wanted something more intimate. His lips left her mouth as they explored downward alternating between kissing, sucking and licking the delicate skin he had access to. 

Kagome was moaning continuously now, his ministrations taking effect on her body. Another moan escaped her throat as his fangs came into contact with the soft flesh of her neck, nipping slightly. She had given up on logic long before the Demon Lord had, not being as familiar with pleasure as he was. All that she could think of was of the strong body pressing against her, the haunting golden eyes filled with passion, the strong musky aroma surrounding him, the mouth doing sinful things to her skin... all of him in his masculine glory. She was submissive to him, would always be under his command is he so much as asked for it. 

She knew he was no longer content with her neck when his finger tugged at the collar of her shirt softly. As adamant as he was in his task he was impatient, and rather than find its ties a claw tore though the fabric in a deliberately slow motion, stopping often to uncover more skin to claim with his lips. 

The shirt came off. So did the skirt. Followed by a regal, snow-white kimono. 

And that night, with the moon as their silent witness, they joined in the most intimate of ways.   


  


~@~ 

Hey there...... 

Er... This is like nothing I have done before. I conceived this idea about a year ago, but finally got off my ass and wrote it. Then, being the idiot I am, deleted it by mistake. The only reason it's before you right now is that Shampoo-chan, in her typical "come to save the day" manner, kept a copy I sent her. Yes, I bow before the girl. 

This is, obviously, not finished. I do not know weather or not to keep going, so for now this is out to test the waters. I am a busy little girl with low self-esteem. I only write if someone is willing to read, and I thrive on reviews. So for now the story depends on the feedback I receive. By feedback I refer not to the quantity of reviews, but rather I'm interested to know what you think, whether or not this story has future. 

If you do wish for me to continue you must take some things into account: 

-I do not promise to update quickly. I'm very busy (as I wrote above) and am a slow typer.   
-It will be rather mature, strongly lemon scented. It will NOT be a lemon, however, because of one simple reason: I'm too embarrassed to write one.   
-It will be one hell of a bumpy ride, 'cause I've never written a romance other that WAFF, and this will not be Waffy, at least not right out. 

And as to the story: 

-Sess/Kag all the way. I will not change the pairing for any reason short of a gun by my head .   
-It's OOC, yes, but only for this part. Why? Put 2 and 2 together. They are not in control... strange scent.... From this point on I will try to stick to the original personalities. I might make some changes to fit the story, like Kagome having a bit more self-respect than in the manga.   
-Sess and Kag are not in love, won't be for a while. At this moment their relationship is purely physical.   
-Expect weird turn of events. 

Now that I've finished babbling, I'll let you go on with your way. 

_**Meztli**_


	2. Part II As trappings of Feathers

No matter how hard I try to delude myself otherwise, none of the characters belong to me. They DO belong to Rumiko Takahashi. What little money I have is currently being sucked up by college entrance exam fees, so please don't sue.   
  
  


**Forgetfulness Sleeps******

**Part II- As trappings of Feathers.**

  
  


_Like a painting_   
_we shall be rubbed out,_   
_like a flower_   
_we must dry up_   
_upon the earth._   
_As trappings of feathers_   
_of the quetzal, of the zacuan,_   
_of the azulejo, we shall eventually perish._   
  
_There is nothing for it._   
_We shall all perish altogether, four by four,_   
_and this false life of the book capriciously painted_   
_and rubbed out by the divinity_   
_is our sole opportunity for existence_

-Nezahualcoyotl-   
  


Koiku stared at the contents of the chalice in her hands. The chalice was one of her most prized possessions. Not because it was particularly beautiful (it was much too plain) but because of the power it held. The clay chalice had the ability to show it's owner anything it desired to see so long as the events were happening at that very moment. Koiku was thus able to be witness to any event happening in even the most remote parts of the world if she desired. 

At the moment she was watching the aftermath of her last spell. She felt a thrill of pride and contentment. It had been an incredibly difficult spell and she had succeeded fully. 

When Naraku had first walked into her hut and explained what he needed of her she had been incredulous. To chant a spell upon a Demon Lord who was fully versed in magic and the reincarnation of a powerful priestess? Impossible. She had refused to even look into it. But Naraku had been convincing, offering her nearly one fourth of the Shikon no Tama. What she could do with such power! 

It had taken her over four moons of traveling to remote temples and caves, searching through all kinds of ancient texts, talking to powerful witches, priests, monks, demons, basically any being with magic. Then, after finding the right spell, obtaining the necessary items had not been an easy task. Had Naraku not sent one of his children, Kagura, to help her she would have taken much longer to prepare for the spell. 

Finally, with all the needed items Koiku had to wait for the full moon, the moment when her powers would be the most intensified. Naraku had proven useful by guiding the demon and priestess to the correct place and masking her magic. Koiku had been unable to do it, since the casting of the spell by itself had been unbelievably arduous and tiring. A spell of that magnitude required an immense amount of power, and even with her powers increased by a Shikon shard (Naraku had given it as the first part of her payment) her magic had been spent. It would take many moons to replenish her magic by natural means, but with the Shikon shards she would be restored quickly. 

It had taken so long, but it had all been worth it. The spell had been successful, even more so than imagined. The demon and priestess had fallen under the spell powerless, and had played their parts beautifully. Naraku would be pleased to no ends and she would be rewarded most handsomely. 

Koiku left the chalice on the table and prepared to go to Naraku's castle to claim her payment.   
During a fleeting moment of curiosity she wondered just what Naraku achieved from the joining of a demon and a priestess. 

It must have been something great, for a fourth of the Shikon no Tama.   


  


~0~   


  


Inside what used to be a prosperous mansion, and now was host for the countless corpses of it's previous inhabitants; through the dark halls that were once filled with sunshine and that now echoed hollowly. The fine chambers that had served as a study to it's former owner now had the same purpose for it's new owner. Someone much more powerful, but that much more merciless. 

He sat calmly as though the palace did not reek of death and devastation, as though it didn't matter; most likely because to him, it didn't. 

He sat while a little white haired girl held a mirror to him, showing him it's contents. It seemed, to those who cared to see, as though he were very deeply interested in the mirror's reflection. But the mirror didn't reflect, it played a story of it's own. A story where a demon and a young girl where the lead players in a bizarre story of lust and seduction. 

He smiled, but not that graceful arc of the mouth that spoke of happiness; rather a ghastly imitation that showed a furtive peer into the macabre thoughts behind the darkly handsome face. 

"Naraku?" 

"What is it Kagura?" 

"That witch, Koiku, is here. She wants her payment." 

His gaze turned to the woman for only a moment, and then it was on the mirror again. "Does she now?" He smiled again, this time contempt being the lead emotion. "Very well. She was very useful; did her job very nicely." 

The woman still stood waiting for the orders she knew were coming. 

"Dispose of her." 

Kagura nodded and walked out, but not without hearing her master's last words. 

"And Kagura? Bring back the Shikon shard immediately afterwards." 

Naraku's previous interest in the image on the mirror seemed to dissipate as he asked the child to show him a different image, one of a hawk demon with a Shikon shard. 

He sat dismissing the previous happenings as unimportant, as though they had not just altered the lives of two beings who were unlucky enough to be in his way. 

He sat as though he didn't care that he had just intricately woven two different pathways together, as trappings of feathers. 

Most likely because he truly did not care.   


~0~   


  


Sesshomaru opened his eyes slowly, trying to dispel the lethargic haze that lingered heavily through his consciousness. He wondered why it was suddenly such a difficult task, as it had never been before. Sleep was to him something not altogether unnecessary but nearly so. He, like any other being, needed to sleep in order to dispose of excess information through his dreams, yet the amount he required was very small; perhaps a couple of hours every month or so. Any more was just for pleasure. 

So it wasn't a common occurrence for him to struggle in order to wake from his slumber. That, coupled with the realization that he was outdoors (as the sudden breeze led him to believe) was a clear sign that something was definitely wrong. 

He at last managed to open his eyes and simply stared at the stars visible through the treetops while he got a hold of his bearings. He was laying on the cool ground -unclothed- in a forest. Had he been severely wounded in a battle? No... he felt no pain. He did feel, however, a light but constant pressure on his right arm and a warm body curled next to him. His eyes widened as he realized just who that warm body was. 

Inuyasha's wench. That pathetic little human. He had copulated with the little vermin. The memories of the act were rapidly replaying in his mind, unbidden and all the more unwelcome because of it. He had copulated with a human, not any human either (which would have been a disgrace by itself), but his bastard brother's bitch. He quickly removed himself from her side taking care not to disturb her, things were bad enough as they were. He watched as she frowned at the sudden loss of warmth and shifted slightly, but did not wake. 

He had taken that thing... He felt soiled, corrupted. He felt the stain of her skin on his, her scent, her very essence running over his flesh steadily, engulfing him completely. He had lain with her. He had lost control. 

Or, he had been deliberately made to lose control. 

His teeth ground tightly in anger and his already obscure youki darkened to a level not seen for a long time. Naraku. The honorless, conniving halfling. He had dared to stoop to such a low trick. Sesshomaru would dismember him slooowly, tear his heart out and make him choke on it. He would not let this go unpunished. 

His eyes rested on the unclothed human girl again and he internally berated himself for his weakness. He was the almighty Lord of the Western Lands, feared and respected by all. He was powerful, wise and deadly. He should not have succumbed to any spell, none at all. But he had. 

He had been too weak. 

He growled furiously and stared at the human. He despised her, wanted nothing more than to rip her tiny body into a shapeless pulp of meat and bones. It would be so easy... one movement with his claw and she would be torn into ribbons. The damned insect didn't deserve to live, in any case. 

Yet he couldn't do it. Or wouldn't, rather, because he definitely could. He could easily take out his frustration on her, but it would be as lowly as Naraku's stunt. Blaming the wench for their coupling would be a shallow lie. He, the mighty Demon Lord, had fallen to the curse. She being human, younger, and weaker could have never fought it. He understood her total lack of resistance. That, however, did not mean he was sympathetic. He stared at the wench venomously, wishing with all his might that she were not there at that moment, that they had not done what they did. 

He exhaled slowly and looked at the sky again. It would be dawn in an hour at most. He needed to get out of there as soon as possible. He dressed quickly and, with one last murderous look to the sleeping girl, headed for a spring sufficiently far away from the place to wash her scent away. 

Once there he undressed and stepped into the water. He scrubbed his skin until it was raw, trying to get the feeling of her off him. He submerged himself in the water again and stood up. 

He was totally and utterly disgusted with himself. Disgusted because he had been weak. Disgusted because he had fallen right into a trap. Disgusted because he had lain with a human. 

But most of all, disgusted because he had enjoyed it.   
  
  


~@~ 

I got many nice reviews that prodded me to continue writing even though I really have no time. It is currently 4 AM here in Mexico City and I should be by all rights sleeping, especially seeing how I have a UAM entrance exam today at 2 PM. I HAVE to pass these exams, otherwise I'm left college less, seeing how I have no money to pay for a private University. I took the UNAM test already, which is my first choice, but it's nearly impossible to get in, so the UAM is my second option. By April 6th I will know whether or not I passed both exams, so by then you will have either a giddy, happy author, or a depressed, moody and nearly suicidal one.   
Pray for me, oh readers.   
Now to fic news. Some people asked for a lemon. I will state this again: I will not write it. If you want a lemon that much you can think about writing your own, but no lemon from Meztli. On happy news, Forgetfulness Sleeps got nominated in the First Annual Single Spark Fanfiction Awards, and so did my joint fic with Shampoo, Between Demons and Mathematics. I'm very happy. Go check out the page for yourself and vote for your favorite authors at   
I have read most of the works of the other authors and they are very talented. Compared to them, the chances of me winning an award are very much null, but it is still an incredible honor to be nominated. Thanks to whomever nominated Shampoo and I.   
Between Demons... is a joint fic, so it does not totally depend on me. Shampoo is as, if not more, busy as I, and it would be unfair of me to ask her to put aside her life to dedicate her time to a fic. I support Shampoo wholly and will not pressure her into writing anything. She will do so if and when se decides to. I understand that it is frustrating to read a fic that is unfinished, but it is as frustrating for us to not be able to find time to finish it. Sorry, but life has a way to twist things.   
D&T Smurf: It's an athame, and I'm glad someone can emphasize with the pain of being an only girl in a family of five children.   
Drop a line and tell me what you think so far. I cherish every review. It means you went out of your way to support my writing attempts. 

Ciao,   
Meztli 


	3. Part III Sorrow Cannot Be Shared

Repeat after me: Inuyasha= Not Mine. Sesshomaru= Not Mine. Inuyasha Sesshomaru= Rumiko Takahashi's creations. Good. We all clear now?

****

**Forgetfulness Sleeps**

Part III- Sorrow Cannot Be Shared

.

_We kill that which we love. The rest  
  
was never alive.  
  
No one is as close to us. No other is so hurt  
  
by forgetfulness, an absence, a mere nothing.  
  
We kill that which we love. An end to the asphyxia  
  
of breathing with another's lungs!  
  
The air isn't sufficient  
  
for the two of us, nor the earth  
  
for our bodies entwined.  
  
The dose of hope is small  
  
and sorrow cannot be shared.  
  
Man is made of solitudes,  
  
a deer in flight, bleeding,  
  
its loins pierced by an arrow. Ah, but hatred  
  
its insomniac fixity of glass:  
  
repose and menace combined. The deer inclines its head to drink,  
  
discovers a tiger's image in the water.  
  
The deer drinks the water and its image. It becomes  
  
(before it is devoured-astonished accomplice-)  
  
equal to its enemy. We give life only to what we hate._

-Rosario Castellanos-

The leaves rustled dancing to a rhythm set by the wind, turning and twisting and turning again, occasionally glimmering if a moonbeam happened to fall on their smooth surface. When a particularly forceful breeze flowed their dance became chaotic and they sparkled in an attempt to imitate the astral bodies above.

It was the chill of that breeze that woke her, which in some level between her conscious and unconscious psyche struck her as strange; her sleeping bag was built to shield her from such things, not to mention Shippo's heater-like body warmth. Perhaps Shippo's trashing about had pulled her covers down.

Hm... Her sleeping bag wasn't as soft as it was supposed to be either. Had she not checked the floor for rocks before laying it down? Must have been too tired. She shivered lightly and, very much still sleepy, lifted her hand to search for the covers. Her hand found no fluffy blanket (how she loved that fluffy blanket), but instead her hand met her own naked skin.

Several oddities suddenly made themselves known to Kagome's mind in rapid succession:

One- There was a total lack of her clothes, sleeping bag and Shippo.

Two- She was supposed to be in a hut, breezeless.

Three- She was somewhere in the forest.

Four- Her body hurt in certain parts where it REALLY shouldn't have been hurting.

Kagome immediately sat up and tried to figure out what the hell was going on. She blinked rapidly banishing the last traces of sleep out of her while she looked around, taking in the small clearing where she was laying.

It was night or perhaps early morning, she couldn't tell for sure. Trees all around her, darkened by the night, shadowed creatures unmoving save for a sudden wind. Closer to her, where the moonbeams did reach, were rocks, roots, grass; nothing out of the ordinary, except for the fact she wasn't supposed to be there.

The eyes that had been slowly surveying the area came to a sudden halt when they fell upon her discarded school uniform. Her battered and abused uniform. The sight of the torn and dirtied clothing served to trigger her memory and the gaps in her mind were suddenly replaced with visions of something she didn't want to remember.

Another breeze flowed trough, following it's predecessor. It lifted fallen leaves giving them means to fly for an instant, and they flew trough the night in random arcs and circles. Flying this and that way in a mesmerizing dance dictated by the wind. Beauty can be found in the simplest of places, if only one were to notice.

Kagome didn't notice, she was far too gone in her memories. She was oblivious to the leaves flowing with the wind, oblivious to that current of air which caressed her bare body softly, almost lovingly; oblivious to all but those wretched memories that were driving her insane, pounding into her mind one after another until she couldn't stand it anymore. Her breathing halted, and when it continued it came in short little gasps that became rapid, then labored and increased until she was suddenly choking on the air.

The wind continued to flow around her body through every hidden region, every gap between the soft skin, teasing her with it's soft touch as though it knew that it carried the air she so needed to survive, but couldn't seem to breathe in.

Gods! Why couldn't she breathe? She was desperately trying to inhale oxygen but her lungs wouldn't cooperate! Or maybe it was that pressure in her chest that wouldn't let her lungs draw air. She needed to breathe at once! Her vision swam, her lungs were about to burst, her brain demanded oxygen and her damned respiratory system would not kick in!

Finally, with great suffering, she was able to take in one shaky breath and that lungful of air managed to unlock her body. Suddenly she was leaning to the side, her hands against the cold earth supporting her, while her body convulsed and her stomach violently expulsed all of it's previous contents to the floor. Kagome sat there heaving and gagging long after her stomach had run out of contents to discard.

Sometime after the vomiting her heaving became a small tremble that increased in magnitude until she was shaking unrestrained and her strangled whimpers became painful sobs. Her hands curled digging into the ground. The soil was soft and it crumbled easily beneath her fingers, allowing her to feel the even cooler earth below.

It wasn't possible. It couldn't be. It hadn't happened. But her body betrayed her and she knew that it had. Each memory struck Kagome like a silent whip, and each sob painfully tore through her being, ripping her insides to shreds. She was crying hysterically by now and she turned away from the mess she had made as she curled into a fetal position and began to rock back and forth, in some inane attempt to feel protected.

The trees rustled as their branches swayed, softly bending to the wind's will. Moonlight spilled between the leaves creating a mix of light and shadows on the ground; figures moving in a surrealistic dance.

'Howcouldhehowcouldhehehadnorightshedidn'tdeservethishowcouldhewhywouldheWHY ?'

He had no right. No right to force her to lay with him, willingly even, which was all the more painful. To know that she had taken an active role in her degradation, that she had writhed and panted underneath him, as though she were nothing but a prostitute.

But then, what was she now if not a prostitute? Her sobs came to her with renewed vigor at the thought of what she now was, what he had turned her into: a prostitute.

The trees continued to rustle, the sound calming and almost melodious. Trees were inanimate beings, they did not reason; much less judged. Yet Kagome felt their presence to be overpowering, as though they stood tall and scornful looking down at her, the fallen miko, chasticizing her weakness.

She was nothing but a whore, a slut, a willing little sex doll. Her eyes shut tightly and her fingernails dug painfully into her skin, breaking it as her hands curled. For all her modesty and beliefs she had turned out to be no better than the lowest of all prostitutes, those women she had pitied and condemned. Worse actually, while they gained money she gained nothing from the tryst. What did that make of her?

Her virginity gone, just like that. Torn in a moment of carnal desire, nothing like she had ever pictured it would be. No romantic moment that would be recalled with a smile or a blush, but rather with pain and disgust.

Kagome hadn't been one of those die-hard "Will-arrive-virgin-to-the-altar" conventionalists, but she had held her virginity in good esteem. It was supposed to be something to share with that special loved one, something to treasure and give as a declaration of love and trust.

Not anymore.

How _could_ he?!

He had taken something sacred from her, something reserved for someone else, Inuyasha perhaps? But it was gone and Inuyasha would no longer want her, never. Every time he saw her he would see his brother's taint on her, and would be repulsed by her mere presence.

Inuyasha.

He didn't know, otherwise he would have been there before she even woke. He didn't know yet, and he wouldn't know, she wouldn't let him. If he found out... No, no. He couldn't know. She had to clean everything up, erase all evidence of the act.

She stood quickly, her crying abruptly forgotten in her haste. She had to clean herself up, she was a mess. The stream was too far away, it would be easier to go home and bathe; not to mention she had a wide array of scented soaps that could hide Sesshomaru's smell on her. Her clothes were torn, she needed to get new clothes and get rid of the old ones.

She quickly dressed herself with the remains of her school uniform; it didn't nearly cover her well enough but she couldn't just walk around naked. There was nothing she could do to hide their scents in the clearing, she just had to hope she could be back before Inuyasha went looking for her and found the place.

Kagome walked in the dark towards the well.

Thud. One step farther from the disgraceful act.

Thud. One step closer to her home.

Thud. One step closer to sanctuary.

The time between her footfalls decreased as her pace quickened until she was running for the life of her. She ran through the foliage and the branches occasionally stumbling but never really stopping, sprinting towards the well as though it contained her salvation, and perhaps to her it did. The trees that stood imposing became nothing but a distorted blurry of colors and she ran through them, through the forest that had been silent witness to her fall.

When the ancient well came into her sight she gave a strangled sound that laid between a laugh and a sob. Kagome jumped into the well and scrambled out of it the moment she was in her time. She opened the shrine door with a fervent ardor born from fear and jumped out, closing it behind her and leaning only momentarily on it before continuing towards her house.

Kagome crossed the length between the shrine and her house in a frenzy, only to halt sharply in front of the door. She breathed deeply trying to calm herself. Her family couldn't know either, she had to be quiet. She took the key that her family always left under the welcome mat, in case they forgot their keys, and opened the door.

She made her way up the stairs and into her room silently. She forgoed the lights for the lamp on the drawer beside her bed and opened her closet door. After taking out her towel and a clean set of clothes she closed it and walked to the bathroom, suddenly grateful it was next to her room and far enough from her family's.

Once inside she hung the towel and clothes, turned on the water and walked to the closet in the corner. She opened it and stared at the soap bars and lotions inside trying to decide which one was best. She had always been in favor of her mother's weakness for scented soaps and creams; not only did she have a nice-smelling mommy to cuddle up to, but she also had access to any soaps she wanted whenever she needed them. Like right now.

Jasmine, Roses, Lilacs, Strawberry... The list went on and on. What to choose? She finally decided on a Freesia and citrus mix; it's scent was strong enough to wake the dead.

She walked back to the shower stall. The water had warmed by then and she set it as hot as her skin could stand it. Kagome stood in the stall, letting the water fall on her, the heat turning her pale skin red.

She felt so dirty... She scrubbed her skin mercilessly, nearly breaking it, but the feeling wouldn't go away. She scrubbed harder and began to whimper from both emotional and physical pain.

The soap bar fell from her nerveless fingers and she followed soon after. She lay, curled on the cold tile floor of the shower stall, for what seem like an eternity, sobbing heartbrokenly.

She kept trying to tell herself it would all be well, that she would get through this, that it would be put behind her with no more than a hint of regret. In the end, none of those promises seemed to hold against the very real pain she was feeling. Somehow, she didn't think it would all be as easy as that. The wound seemed much too deep.

In her mind everything was replayed with startling clarity over an over again, no matter how hard she tried to make the images go away. She laid there, a crying, sorrowful, broken heap of formerly untainted miko flesh.  
  
Time passed but Kagome took no heed of it. Only when the once scalding water turned bitingly cold did she react. After a final shudder she stood, trembling slightly. She closed the water tap and dried herself, making sure to scrub her face free of any tears.  
  
She dressed and headed to her room and lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Silently, she promised herself she would not cry again, not because of this. She was done crying for it and tears would do no good.

No one could know. She had to make sure of that.

It wasn't as though anyone could help her, anyways. Sorrow cannot be shared.  
  
Even then, though, her eyes filled with tears again. She closed her eyes tightly and covered herself with her covers, pulling them close to her body. She stared at the ceiling as thought it were the most interesting thing in the world, waiting for fatigue to take over.  
  
Yet, sleep would not come, and she laid awake for hours to no end, lost in thoughts. It wasn't until early morning that exhaustion finally pulled her into a tired, dreamless slumber.  
  
Her mother found her two hours later, unconscious, dried tear tracks on her face. Overwhelmed by motherly concern, she tucked her, cleaned her face, kissed her forehead and let her sleep.  
  
Kagome didn't wake until nightfall.

* * *

Hey there. It's been a while, ne?  
  
Sorry for taking this long, but I've been very busy, and probably will be for a while. I must admit I seriously considered giving up the fic and just focusing on school and real life, but all of the support you guys showed me through your reviews and mails made me decide against it. It's really nice to know people read and like my stories. So, for you guys, and my love of writing sugary romance stories involving Sesshomaru and Kagome, I'll keep at it for a while.  
  
However, the updates will not be regular and frequent. It will probably take a while in between chapters. I hope you understand that I have many things to do and free time is often lacking, and that you are still interested in hearing from me. Also, I write in English a lot less than before, so there will be parts where my writing will be lacking. Please keep that in mind if you find some sort of horrid grammatical mistake.  
  
In answer to reviews, I will most likely not mention everyone who contacts me in name, which is not to say I don't appreciate your comments, but that I don't have the time to answer everyone. I treasure every review very dearly and they keep me going, but if I do answer, it will only be to those that somehow call me the most (mind you, although it can be for a very strange reason, I've been told I'm not logical ).  
  
Btw, sorry guys, I can't really keep track of my inbox, so I don't have mailing lists.  
  
So for now-  
  
Vernal equinox- Meztli is a nauhatl word (the language the Mexicas, better known as Aztecs, spoke. There is still a minority that speaks it.) It is the name of the moon god, and don't ask me why my parents chose a boy's name for me. It does sound girly enough, I guess, and it's not very common, so people never complained. Besides, there are many Xochitl and Citlali, anyway. At least I'm original.  
  
Jessica- there might be something to you.... But, wait for it.  
  
Victoria Midnite- well, another girl stuck with too many brothers. There should be a club.  
  
Shampoo-chan- You rock, girl! I appreciate your help and prompting, as always. Good luck in college.  
  
Thanks to all who reviewed and supported me. You inspired me to keep on going. Please drop a line. It does wonders for an author.  
  
Meztli


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